Emmett Joins Band Class
by Werewolf Luver246
Summary: When Emmett pulls a " Brilliant!" prank, that totally backfires, Carlisle and Esme decide it's time for him to get a hobby!
1. Busted!

**A/N: Hey! It's me, and I've got another new story! I know, I know I'm annoying like that, but people should just expect it by now. Anyways, I got the idea for this story in band class one day. I thought, wouldn't it be funny if the Cullens were in band class? Then I thought, that'd be weird, so it should just be Emmett to make that even weirder! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, but I do like to drive people insane by saying applesauce over and over again!**

Chapter 1 - Busted!

Emmett's POV

Jasper is going down! He's going down so bad, an elevator will look up at him and say "daaang!" I had it all worked out, just a simple little prank on him won't hurt anyone. I just hoped that it wouldn't go terribly wrong (**A/N: This is the part where you definitely know that it will go terribly wrong!)**

It would be almost too easy. I had a perfect range, and a newly purchased paint ball gun! Brilliant! There he was, in the back yard. He had the hose turned on and was attempting to wash pink dye from a pair of his boxer shorts! (That was something that I had done earlier, but that's another brilliant story for a different day.)

I cautiously leaned in closer to the window. I checked behind me to make sure that Jasper would have no witnesses. Hopefully, Edward wasn't too close by, to read my thoughts. He probably wouldn't care, but he would definitely get a kick out of it. Or he might go outside and tell Jasper, just to ruin my plans! Who was I kidding? I had nothing to worry about. Alice was the only one who'd get mad, and she was out shopping all afternoon!

I made direct eye contact with my target, and moved my weapon to the aimed position. I impersonated a drum roll for dramatic affect. I put my finger on the trigger, and slowly pulled it back. Goodbye Jasper, and hello blue smurf guy!

Now most people say, that I'm not exactly what you would call "smart". That I don't think things through, or use my common sense. But I could've swore that I had opened the window.

The paintball didn't get all the way through the glass. It just splattered there, and completely shattered it. Crap! I hoped nobody heard that! Jasper looked up at the window, and saw me. I also heard voices from upstairs.

" WHAT WAS THAT? EMMETT CULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!" Esme screamed.

Wow, I didn't know who this Emmett guy was but he was sure going to get it. Wait…Emmett Cullen…Sweet Gravy! That's me! Oh no!

**A/N: Okay, that might have been kind of weird, but I had to push the story a little to get it started. It will get better as it progresses, I promise. No flames please!**

**REVIEW AND YOU GET BROWNIES! OR COOKIES, WHICHEVER YOU PREFER!**


	2. Cruel and Unusual Punishment

**A/N: Thanks to all of the reviews guys, they really help. I've just decided to do this chapter because I really don't have anything better to do. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I do own a skunk who's been acting really funky lately.**

Chapter 2 - Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Emmett's POV

After hearing the crash, everyone rushed downstairs to see me get nailed. I was in trouble, and I knew it. I quickly tried to make a break for it through the shattered window, but Edward and Jasper caught me, and pulled me back through. Those traitors! When they saw the broken window, Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose, and shook his head. Esme glared at me, and tapped her foot.

" Emmett Cullen, what is your explanation for this?" she demanded.

" Umm…it's broken," I answered.

She sighed unhappily, " Yes, we can see that Emmett. Would you care to explain _why_ you broke the window?"

" Uh.. I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say can, and will be used against me in a court of law," I stated.

Esme's teeth clicked together. Her eyes were closed, and she was deeply breathing in and out. Carlisle rubbed her shoulders, in hopes of calming her down. Jasper sent a wave of serenity across the room, but it was interrupted by the roaring of a loud engine, and the slamming of a car door. We could all hear the tiny, frantic footsteps of little Alice scurrying across the porch. The door flew open.

" No Emmett! The window isn't open!" she screeched.

Nobody said anything, but she quickly figured out that she was a little late with the warning. It sure would have been nice earlier, though.

" Oh," she mouthed.

" Alice, did you see this coming?" Carlisle asked.

" Yeah, but I can already see that I'm too late!"

" Gee, thanks Alice!" I barked.

" Hey! I gave up a dress sale for you! Don't even go there with me! Couldn't you have just waited a few minutes before you ambushed my husband with a paintball?"

" What?" Jasper asked, clueless.

" If you would just hold on for a minute, I'd be happy to explain but right now I am talking to him," she told him.

" You could have called me," I suggested.

" Yeah, and you could think to turn your phone on once in a while!"

Carlisle held up a hand, signaling the end of our fight.

" Alright kids, that's enough. Could we please have a minute alone with your brother?"

Everyone nodded, and shot looks of pity in my direction. Jasper placed a hand on Alice's back, and led her upstairs. Edward and Rosalie followed. Edward was chuckling under his breath on the way.

" What's so funny?' I wondered.

" Oh, nothing. But you sure are in for a surprise," he warned. Curse him and his stupid mind reading powers! Rose brushed my arm lightly as she passed.

" Be strong hon, be strong," she whispered, and then disappeared.

Now it was just me, Carlisle, and Esme. I was so going down. Now the elevator's going to be looking up at me. Ironic.

" Have a seat, Emmett," Carlisle said.

I took a seat on the couch, and they pulled two chairs up from the kitchen table, and sat down in front of me.

" C'mon guys," I said, "It was only one little window.."

" And a television, and a vase, and a garbage disposal.." Esme trailed on.

" Not all in the same day, and for the record, the garbage disposal was not my fault," I defended.

" That isn't the point, Emmett. You've been acting very carelessly lately. What with the skunk, dyeing Jasper's underwear pink, and now with the paintball incident."

" Hey! That skunk was not my fault either!" **( A/N: He he!)**

" Still Emmett, you're not a pre-schooler anymore. I think it's time you learn to act a little more maturely," Carlisle explained.

I could barely process the information in my head. What the heck were they talking about anyway? The look on my face must have given my confusion away.

" I think we're hurting him, honey," Esme whispered.

" Emmett? Can you hear me?"

" What? Butterflies!" I squealed.

" He's fine," Carlisle declared.

" I act plenty mature," I insisted.

" Oh really?" Carlisle asked, " Then exactly, what would have happened if you had hit Jasper with a paintball?"

" Umm..he'd probably get mad, and then prank me back. Then I'd do something back to him. Then we'd both get bored and do something to Edward," I said.

" That's exactly what I mean Emmett. Will the ring of immaturity ever end?"

" If you recall, I wasn't the only one involved in the..ring," I whined.

" Jasper didn't shoot a paintball through a closed window," Carlisle said.

" Trust me, he would. Sure he probably would have opened the window first but still, I was the one who cleverly thought of it first! He can never steal my idea! I hereby copyright it!" I announced.

Carlisle slapped a hand to his face.

" So why does this make me the only one liable here?"

" Because, you're the one who always acts irresponsibly. Tell me, do you ever think your actions through beforehand?" he asked.

" Sometimes, but they still seem to go down in flames," I said.

There was silence throughout the area. We couldn't hear any sign of activity upstairs. I was sure they were all listening in though. They just can't resist it when I get busted. I decided to use my secret weapon. The ultimate way of getting out of things. I was going to pout my way out of it!

I stuck out my lower lip really far, " You guys hate me now, don't you? I suppose you resent me now!" I mustered up the most tearless sobs that I could convincingly produce.

" WHY AM I SO MISUNDERSTOOD? You all hate me! You wish that you had never changed me! You wished that that stupid bear had finished me off, don't you? You're going to toss me out on the street! Whaaaa!!!!"

" Emmett, cut it out," Carlisle said. Though I could tell he was trying not to laugh. Cruel.

" Emmett, we don't hate you," Esme said, " We are just incredibly annoyed with you."

" Does that mean I'm still getting punished?"

" Yes, of course sweetheart," Esme assured.

" We actually have something in mind for you. Don't think of it as a punishment. I really don't see how it could do anything but good for you."

" What?"

" We would like it if you got involved in some sort of activity, Emmett. Like Edward and his music. Alice and her fashion. Jasper has just started studying philosophy, and he seems to enjoy it. And even Rosalie has started helping me out with my work," Esme explained.

" So, you're saying that you want me to get a hobby?" I asked.

" Yes. If it will keep you out of this house, or preoccupied with something else in your spare time. Other than scheming insidious pranks."

" Scheming is my hobby," I pronounced.

" That doesn't count," she said, " We want you to do something in your school. Still lay low, but just try to meet some new people."

" Cool! How about football?"

" That would be nice dear, but I'm not sure that would be best for laying low," she explained.

" Basketball?"

" Sorry."

" Baseball?"

" Try again."

" Rugby?"

" Absolutely not!"

" Ping-pong?"

" No."

" C'mon guys. You say you want me to get involved in something that I enjoy, but you're not giving me much to work with here. I don't even know what the clubs are at my school!"

" That's why we're going to arrange a meeting with your counselor. I'm sure she'll be able to help you choose an outlet that is appropriate."

I sank down really far in my chair, " This is so unfair."

" I'm sorry Emmett. But life isn't fair," Carlisle said.

From upstairs, I could hear Edward laughing, soon joined by a few of the others.

" I knew this would be interesting," he snickered.

**A/N: Well, there you go guys. A very long chapter. I am really not looking forward to editing this whole thing!**

**REVIEW AND COOKIES WILL BE YOURS!**


	3. Meeting the Counselor

**A/N: Hey guys, I am so ticked off right now! I already had this chapter all typed up and ready to go, and then it got deleted! Technology and I do not mix!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, you can tell by just reading one of my stories.**

Chapter 3- Meeting the Counselor

I waited until after school to make the dreaded trip to the counselor's office. The less people that saw me doing this, the better. When I entered the office, I walked up to the front desk, where the mean typing lady sits. I stood there, and waited for her to talk. Her long, pink, nails clicked on the computer keys very loudly. She glared at me over the top of her thick rimmed glasses. I looked at her coffee mug, " I hate Mondays" was spelled out for the whole world to see.

" Ma'm why do you hate Mondays?"

She ignored me for a second, and just continued typing.

" Mrs.? Can you hear me?"

She looked up at me with an irritated expression, " Can I help you?"

" Um..I'm here to meet with the counselor," I said.

" Name?" she snapped.

" I don't know. We haven't exactly met before."

" Your name, wise guy," she barked.

" Emmett Cullen."

" Oh yeah, the four o'clock. Go ahead," she pointed a long wiry finger behind her.

" Thanks, I hope Mondays don't continue to disappoint you," I said. She growled.

I walked over to the office door. I knocked softly. I tried not to pound, because I'd just break the door down.

" Come in!" A female voice chirped.

I twisted the knob, and walked into her office. The inside of the room, caught me completely off guard. The walls were bright purple, and were decorated with numerous amounts of colorful smile faces. There were inspirational posters all over the place, and each corner was littered with stuffed animals and bean-bag chairs.

She was young, too, which was less threatening than an old lady. She had short, shiny brown hair. She wore light black rimmed glasses. Her blouse was while, sleeveless, and tucked into a black skirt.

" Well, Emmett. You can just have a seat anywhere you'd like," she offered.

I took a seat in the pink fuzzy chair across from her desk. She walked over to her filing cabinet, and pulled something out. Then she walked back to her desk, and took her seat.

" Why do you have toys everywhere? Do you work for Santa?" My eyes widened.

She laughed, " Of course not. I just think that the setting brightens this place. I know that the students here are a little old for these things, but even as we do get older, I think we still find comfort in such things. When you were growing up, don't you remember having a special blanket or teddy bear that you just couldn't live without?"

" Uh..sure," I answered.

" I just wanted to bring a little bit of that back into this place."

" I think your typing lady could use a little cheerfulness," I said.

" Yes. Mertyl isn't a very vibrant soul," she sighed.

" Um..Mrs. Counselor.." I began.

" Please, call me Mindy," she insisted.

" Mindy, how are you supposed to help me figure out what club I want to join?"

" Well, we can start off by narrowing it down. Tell me a little bit about yourself."

" I like monkeys," I said.

" Good, is there anything else? Tell me about your family."

" Well, I'm adopted. I live with Dr. Carlisle and Esme Cullen. I have a brother Jasper, who can be a bit..moody sometimes. There's my little brother Edward, but I call him Eddie, because it drives him crazy. Alice my sister, has a bit of a shopping problem. And then there's my Rosie, she's just the light of my world."

She scribbled stuff down in a notebook, " Do you and your family ever do any activities together?"

" Well, we play baseball a lot, but Esme says that I'm not allowed to go out for sports."

" Really? Why not?"

I quickly thought of an excuse, " I'm asthmatic."

" Oh," she wrote that down too.

" As for other things that I want to do, I really don't know. I guess, something that I've never tried before. Something fun," I explained.

" I think we can figure something out," she assured," We have many clubs to choose from here at Forks high."

Mindy turned to her computer. She typed in some things, clicked with the mouse, and turned to me.

" How about we go through some of the categories, and you tell me when you hear something that interests you."

" Whatever you say," I leaned back in the chair.

She scrolled down along the screen, and stopped in various places.

" How about Art? We have a ceramics class, painting, model making, and knitting."

" I'm not allowed near sharp objects," I informed her.

" Oh," she scrolled down farther, " Technology? We have typing classes, computer aided design, special effects, and online games."

" I get bored sitting in one place all the time."

She scrolled down again, " Language Arts? There's the school newspaper, book club, yearbook staff, reader's guild, and creative writing."

" I'm not much for literature."

" Music? The school orchestra, choir, dance team, and band?"

" Hmm.. That sounds cool," I said.

She smiled, and clicked on the little music note icon. A bunch of information popped up, and she skimmed through the introductions.

" Which was the one that interested you?"

" Band, I think," I answered.

" Have you ever played an instrument before?" She asked.

" I tried playing my brother's piano once, but everyone thought I was torturing an animal," I stated.

" That's okay. There are plenty of other options. There's always the flute, clarinet, oboe, trumpet, trombone, percussion, tuba, bassoon, or saxophone. Do any of those sound like something you'd like to try?"

" I want to play them all!" I squealed.

She looked at me with blinking eyes, " How about we just start off with one for now?"

" I can't choose!"

This decision was impossible. All of the instruments sounded like fun! Some of the names on these things sounded awesome! Well, I wouldn't have to play just one forever. I could always switch if I wanted to try something different.

" I pick..oboe!" I declared. I had no idea what that was, but I guess I'd find out!

**A/N: Finally! I have this done a second time! Let's hop I don't delete it again! Cross your fingers!**

**REVIEW!!!**


	4. Emmett Makes a Friend

**A/N: Hey guys! I just want to start off by saying that YOU ALL ROCK! Seriously, I've never gotten so many reviews at once on just one story! This totally makes my day! Sorry, I'm kinda freaking out right now! Last night was the absolute best night of my life! I met my idol Julianne Hough, got her autograph, and got a picture with her! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything along those lines.**

Chapter 4 - The Oboe

It had been a week since my meeting with Mindy. Since then, I was busy preparing for my enrollment in band class. Carlisle and Esme were really happy that I had decided on an activity, they had taken me out to buy my oboe! That thing was so much fun! Except for the fact that it kind of sounded like a duck. I named it Ducky! My entire family was really supportive. Edward had been teaching me how to read sheet music, so I wouldn't be so behind when I started class. He even accompanied me through a few songs on his piano. I asked everyone how I sounded when practicing. They all said things along the lines of "It sounds very interesting", or " it's like nothing we've ever heard before." So I guess that meant I must've been pretty good.

I was really nervous when Monday came again. That's when I was to start band. What if the other kids didn't like me? What if I was more behind then I'd thought? What if I put the wrong side of the instrument in my mouth again? I stood in front of the door for about ten minutes. I felt like the new kid on the first day of school. Even though I'd been here for quite some time, and pretty much knew all of the people, I had never dared to venture out this far into the student body!

I hastily entered the band room. Thankfully, the room was full of people scrambling around, trying to find their instruments. Nobody really looked twice at me. I still felt out of place, I just stood there for a little while, not really sure of what I was supposed to do. Then, a girl with long, dark hair sat down in the seat next to where I was standing. She placed her instrument case on her lap, and opened it to reveal an oboe. She began to put the pieces together. I took a seat next to her, and did exactly as she did. When she had her instrument completely assembled, she turned to me, and smiled.

" Hey, I haven't seen you around here before," she said.

" Yeah, I just joined," I answered in a wary voice. I had never really spoken to a human besides Bella. I really didn't know what to say, I tried to act as casually as possible.

" Oh, well, I'm Colleen. And you are?"

" Emmett Cullen," I responded.

She looked at me funny for a second, " Oh, you're one of the Cullens."

I chuckled silently under my breath, Figures that the humans at our school were still terrified of us. Wouldn't they know by now, that if we were going to kill them or something, we would have done it by now? Well, I guess it wasn't everyday that you would see five absolutely perfect teenagers, with pallid white skin, who never seemed to get any older, or never seemed to have a the slightest feature out of touch.

" Is that a bad thing?" I asked.

" No. You guys just don't really seem to..get involved with anyone else," she stated.

" That's because everyone's totally freaked out by us," I mumbled.

" Not freaked out, just..intrigued."

" Well, no one here has anything to worry about. I'm really not that bad. I may get on people's nerves sometimes, but I'm harmless," I insisted.

She laughed boisterously, " I believe you."

I smiled to myself, glad that I had finally made a friend. Rose would probably be pissed that I was even talking to the humans, but she didn't have to know.

The band director suddenly stood on the short podium in the front of the room. He was a short man, I'm guessing around five feet. He was older, had lost some of his hair, and had a funny mustache.

Colleen leaned close to me and whispered, " That's Mr. Hamsen. Just try to stay on his good side."

" Good to know," I shivered a bit on the inside.

" Well, as you all may have noticed, we have received a new addition to our band. Mr. Emmett Cullen," Mr. Hamsen said.

Some people applauded, some snickered quietly amongst themselves, I could hear a few people whispering to their neighbors. If I was human, I'm pretty sure I would've blushed worse than Bella. It was kind of embarrassing to be put on the spot like that.

Colleen looked at me with a sympathizing expression, " It's okay, he does that to every new kid."

_Yeah, but none of them are a Cullen_, I thought. Guessing that everyone had a first reaction similar to Colleen's.

Mr. Hamsen clapped his hands together, to regain everyone's attention, " So we're going to try a new song today. It might be a little more challenging, but I figured you're in high school so you'll get over it." I could tell already, he had a very dry sense of humor.

The kids in the beginning of every row stood up and grabbed the stacks of sheet music, and returned to their rows and passed them down. When it came down to us Colleen groaned.

" This looks like fun," she grumbled, and handed a sheet to me. I studied it for a moment, and was suddenly overwhelmed my eighth note after eight note. The song was repetitive, but looked like it was to be very fast paced. Definitely not something I would be able to live up to. The song was titled, " The Great Locomotive Chase," and it looked like it would certainly be a train wreck.

**A/N: This is a cliff in case you didn't notice. My friend Colleen made an appearance in this chapter, since she doe sin fact play the oboe, and I thought it would be funny!**

**REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!**


	5. How Emmett Got Stuck With The Pig

**A/N: I just wanted to thank everyone for all the nice comments on the last chappie! I have ****" The Great Locomotive Chase" on my I-pod, and have been listening to it over and over again for inspiration. I think I've come up with something " brilliant!" - quote Emmett from previous chaps!**

**Disclaimer: Do you honestly think I thought of it? Really, ask yourself. That's what I thought.**

Chapter 5 - How I Got Stuck With The Pig

Emmett's POV

Mr. Hamsen tapped the side of his music stand with the magical stick of conducting, and cleared his throat.

" Alright," he said. " There are a few chances for solos on this song. I want to try something different for this song. Instead of having the first chair player automatically getting the solo, I want to have each person try it out, and we'll decide from there."

A few more groans erupted from the stands, and there were also a few hushed praises. I really didn't know what to think. I really didn't want to have to play by myself in front of the entire group, but if I did good, I might fit in better.

" The oboe solo is probably one of the most audible parts in the beginning. It's only a movement of two notes, but the person who does it can't be afraid to really belt it out."

Out of curiosity, I looked around to see if anyone looked interested. It was then that I noticed that Colleen and I were the only oboe players in the whole band. That means one of us would have to play the solo. I suddenly felt a little nervous. What if she tanked? Would that mean that I would have to do it? He couldn't do that could he?

" Alright, Mr. Cullen," Mr. Hamsen said, " You can go first, let's see what you've got."

" Wait!" I pleaded. " Don't you think Colleen should get the part? She's been here longer than I have, she deserves it."

Colleen blushed slightly, seeming embarrassed by being in the spotlight.

" I understand that. But I want to give everyone a fair shot. She'll get her chance later, but for now I would just like for you to give it a shot," he explained.

I bit my lip, but wasn't about to argue, " Okay."

I heard a few more whispers from my classmates. Man, I wished they would stop doing that.

Colleen leaned over to me, " Good luck."

" Thanks. Plug your ears," I advised.

" Thanks for the warning," she sat up straight in her seat.

Mr. Hamsen tapped his stick a few more times, and raised it level with his head. As soon as he did this, everyone raised their instruments. But then, Mr., Hamsen lowered the magic stick, and growled.

" Your posture looks like crap!" He shouted. " Looks like we have to sing the song yet again!"

Everyone else groaned, but I was curious about what the heck he meant. Suddenly everybody started singing.

" Frooooont edge of the chair, feet flat on the floor, back straight, sit up!"

I tried not to laugh, but it was too freaking hard. They sounded like a bunch of kindergarteners! Mr. Hamsen raised the stick again, and I couldn't help the things that started blurting out of my mouth.

" GOATS HAVE CLEANER TONGUES THAN PEOPLE!!" I shrieked. Everyone in the band gasped out fits of laughter, but Mr. Hamsen wasn't amused.

His eyebrows pushed down into a really mean look, " Mr. Cullen, I am not amused."

Wow, called that one.

" Sorry," I put my head down.

" Never mind," he dismissed. " Let's try this again."

We were just about to play again, but I couldn't stop myself, " JOHN JACOB JINGLE HIMER SCHMIT!!!"

This time, he was even angrier, " Is there a problem Mr. Cullen?"

" Ummm…" I tried to think fast." Global warming is killing Antarctica's penguins?"

Mr. Hamsen stood up. Crap, he wasn't gonna give me a spanking was he? Was that even legal? Instead, he just paced around the room, and kept his posture composed.

" Mr. Cullen, in this class I do not tolerate insane behavior. In this world, there are consequences for such behavior, and as your teacher, it is my job to show you what happens to people who can't control themselves."

I gulped, something I had never done before. Though shorter than I, he was a very threatening person. I was actually sort of afraid of what he was going to do next. He walked over to his desk, and picked up something from underneath it. I couldn't believe what I saw. In his hands he held a miniature obese pig statue. The pig was dressed up like a fairy, and even had curly elf shoes. It was so cute!!

" Aww..it's a piggy!" I blurted again before I even realized I was.

" Yes Mr. Cullen. But you may also consider it your best friend for the day," he said.

Everyone was in hysterics by now, but I still didn't get it.

I raised an eyebrow, " Huh?"

" As your punishment for interrupting the class, you are to carry this pig around school with you for the rest of the day."

I snorted, " That's my punishment?"

" Only part of it. You also must wear a sign on your back that says: I am not in control of my behavior. I might as well be a wild animal living in a barn."

" That's not fair!" I whined.

He looked at me with a pitied expression," Maybe next time you'll think twice before misbehaving again."

**A/N: Wow, that was very silly wasn't it? My band teacher really wasn't that mean. He was pretty awesome. And he actually did have a pig like that. I just had to put it somewhere in the story! PLEASE REVIEW!!**


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